What does it mean when your child is angry? Are they frustrated? Or anxious? Learn how understanding what’s behind your child’s anger can help you respond in the best way possible.
Most kids get angry sometimes. It’s a natural reaction when life feels hard or unfair. It’s also natural for parents to feel conflicted when it happens. You can feel irritated and want to help at the same time.
Anger is often a sign that kids are frustrated or struggling with things beyond their control. They don’t react this way on purpose. It happens because they don’t yet have the skills to identify and cope with strong emotions.
Two common emotions that can lead to anger are anxiety and frustration. The key to helping is to find out what’s causing those feelings. Is it difficulty learning a task or skill? Or being slower than other kids to do things?
Understanding what’s behind your child’s anger lets you respond in the best way possible. But it doesn’t always make it easier to cope with it. Keep in mind that once your child calms down, they might feel ashamed of their behavior or like they’re “bad.”
Anger problems can get better as kids learn to manage emotions and express what they’re feeling. And there are many ways to help your child with anger, both at home and at school.
Dive deeper
How anxiety and frustration lead to anger
Anxiety and frustration are common emotions. But kids aren’t always able to express them any other way than through anger.
When kids are stressed or worried, they may have trouble pinpointing what’s bothering them. They may not have the words to describe that mix of fear and worry. And for some kids, anxiety causes physical reactions in their body that can feel a lot like anger.
Kids get frustrated for all sorts of reasons. They may be struggling with schoolwork or having trouble with friends. When this happens, it can make them feel vulnerable or powerless. For many kids, that comes out as anger.
Some kids struggle with managing their emotions — especially kids with ADHD. They often feel emotions more intensely than other kids do. And they hold on to those feelings for much longer.
At the same time, kids with ADHD have trouble with self-control and keeping their behavior in check. Intense feelings can quickly lead to angry outbursts.
If your child often gets angry, it’s important to understand why. Observing the behavior and jotting down notes can help you pick up on patterns.
Share your observations with your child’s teacher. It’s important for parents and teachers to know what’s happening at school and at home, and to talk about what might help with the anger.
You can also talk with your child’s health care provider to see what might be causing their intense emotions and outbursts.
